Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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