Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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