i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
