My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
