I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
