my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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