sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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