A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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