Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
