a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
