that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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