can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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