the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
