remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
