i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
