Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
