Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
