there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you had me at cake vodka
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize