She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
