We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
