His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
