im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Less talking, more tequila
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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