I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
