Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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