You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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