she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
