I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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