You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
