If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
