Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
