Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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