please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
