we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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