did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
