And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize