Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
