thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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