in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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