Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
