Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
