At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
