How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
