i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
