You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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