The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
