He asked to "fluff my boner.."
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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