You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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