She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
