I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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