Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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