This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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