Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
