in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm both gender and math confused
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize