You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
