Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
