my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
