When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize