i just google imaged poop.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
