This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
