i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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