Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
