"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize