So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
