Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
