I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
