You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
