we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Randomize
