I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
