Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
