you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She bit a glass in half.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
