this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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