4 words: hood of his car
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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