duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
