U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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