She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize