one might say we're banned from that church
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
