I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
