the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
