he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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