I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
