saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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