god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
