You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
