So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
