id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
