we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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