At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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