i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
