went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
