I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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