Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize