is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
