you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
