At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
