Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
