I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
