YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
high people should be assigned attendants
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You took a bar mat shot.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
