I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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