Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
