So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
