No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she pinky promised me she was 18
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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