Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
